Betty is currently obsessed with finding the rest of her John Sanford novels in the basement. We still have several dozen boxes of her books down there, but we're finishing the basement, so they have to stay in boxes for the moment. For the 10th time in a few days, she told me she was going to go down there to look for them, and for the 10th time, I explained why she absolutely couldn't. The steps are sleep, uncarpeted, and I have a recurring vision of finding her at the bottom of the steps, bleeding...
So once again, I found myself raising my voice a notch or two and telling her that if I ever found her on those steps, I'd put a lock on every door in the house. She said, "I'll just crawl down, I won't walk." So up another notch I went...
As I may have mentioned in a previous blog entry, her neuropsychologist told me that the only way to make a memory is sometimes to get angry, so I did. It wasn't difficult. The hard part is not yelling ALL THE TIME!
Monday, December 13, 2010
It's All About Attitude... and Having Smart Friends
I found a solution to two issues that have been bugging me. It's not a perfect solution, but it's good enough. First, my kids, 10 and 15, should be getting some kind of allowance, so they can learn to handle money and not bother me for their every whim. Sami, 15, is an obsessive saver, and Mikey, 10, is an obsessive spender, so both need to work on their money skills.
The other problem is that I didn't teach them to help out around here when they were younger, and while both do things for me when I ask/demand/threaten them with death, there's always the sighing, eye-rolling, and complaining to deal with.
In comes my new friend, Jen, host mother to one of my Korea tutoring students. She shows me the chart and system she developed for her two teen daughters. There's a list of chores and a dollar amount for each, depending on the complexity of the chore. There's also a weekly chart on which each girl marks the day and number of the chore she performed. During the school year, each girl is expected to do three chores per week, by bedtime on Sunday. Mom pays accordingly, by bedtime on Sunday. So the kids can earn more by doing more and harder chores, but if they don't do the minimum, they have to double up the following week for no payment at all. On the flip side, if Mom doesn't pay on time, she must pay double.
I adapted this to the chores I need to have done, lowered the fee for most chores (yes, I'm cheap) and raised the number of chores to 4 per week. It's working! I pay Sami an average of $7 per week for the chores she selects, and Mikey more like $5, but they're doing chores and lightening my load!
But here's where MY attitude comes in. Both kids have a habit of putting off their chores until the weekend, so I find myself announcing, "There's a dishwasher to unload!" or "The garbage can is full!" and often... nothing happens. I have to work on not getting angry, as they have a right to choose their chores and days to perform them. So far, we've come close to the "double chores for no money" deal, but at the last minute, they've found things to do on Sunday evenings for me. That's fair, and I'm working on not doing so much nagging and reminding about this.
The other problem is that I didn't teach them to help out around here when they were younger, and while both do things for me when I ask/demand/threaten them with death, there's always the sighing, eye-rolling, and complaining to deal with.
In comes my new friend, Jen, host mother to one of my Korea tutoring students. She shows me the chart and system she developed for her two teen daughters. There's a list of chores and a dollar amount for each, depending on the complexity of the chore. There's also a weekly chart on which each girl marks the day and number of the chore she performed. During the school year, each girl is expected to do three chores per week, by bedtime on Sunday. Mom pays accordingly, by bedtime on Sunday. So the kids can earn more by doing more and harder chores, but if they don't do the minimum, they have to double up the following week for no payment at all. On the flip side, if Mom doesn't pay on time, she must pay double.
I adapted this to the chores I need to have done, lowered the fee for most chores (yes, I'm cheap) and raised the number of chores to 4 per week. It's working! I pay Sami an average of $7 per week for the chores she selects, and Mikey more like $5, but they're doing chores and lightening my load!
But here's where MY attitude comes in. Both kids have a habit of putting off their chores until the weekend, so I find myself announcing, "There's a dishwasher to unload!" or "The garbage can is full!" and often... nothing happens. I have to work on not getting angry, as they have a right to choose their chores and days to perform them. So far, we've come close to the "double chores for no money" deal, but at the last minute, they've found things to do on Sunday evenings for me. That's fair, and I'm working on not doing so much nagging and reminding about this.
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